In every relationship, there is the honeymoon phase, where everything seems so magical. This person checks on you everyday, you have loads to talk about, you go on different amazing dates with each other and you just can’t get enough of each other basically. But shortly after, reality sets in and then everything seems like one big boring routine, you run out of things to talk about and you start to doubt if this person is actually the one for you.
Research shows that infatuation actually makes partners overestimate their similarities and idealise each other. When you’re with this person at first you even start to wonder why anyone will settle for anything less than a 100% when they can have it all. Looking back on one of my previous relationships and literally almost every relationship or situationship I’ve been in, the beginning always seems so wonderful. In the relationship I earlier referred to, I was just swept off my feet from the beginning, at that moment this was the best thing that had ever happened to me and everyone else that I had been with just felt like scraps basically. Until sometime later when I just started to realise some differences that I just could not get over.
You know when people say “be with some one you have actually built a friendship with” I think it’s true in a sense, because when you don’t rush things you are able to realise certain attributes much earlier on and decide whether they are things you are willing to compromise on or just deal breakers. But most of all when you have a friendship it is much easier to communicate certain things without feeling like you are going to hurt the person and that just makes your relationship much stronger. But in hindsight that relationship is still holds a special place in my heart so definitely no regrets.
So basically how do you deal when all the infatuation wears off?
Go with the flow: Well first of all let me just say, a lot of things are easier said than done. A lot of the time we know these things, but in that moment it is just hard to follow through but to be honest I think that is part of what makes life interesting. You can’t always just paint this perfect picture of how you want things to be because you can’t basically control the other person’s actions. All you can control is your own. So just live in the moment and don’t stress yourself
Find yourself: Try not to always focus on what’s wrong in the relationship, rather shifting focus and living in the moment. Instead of thinking about what is so wrong about the person, why not look inwards? This is probably the time to find yourself out side this person, your likes, your dislikes, what you can’t stand, the things you love to do. That way you are both happy in your lives individually, and then you can start to work on building a happy relationship. That’s why in my opinion it’s probably not the best idea to get married really young. I believe that you need to have some experiences and live a little to really know who you are and what you want from a relationship.
Communication: Now, as we all know, communication is the bedrock of every relationship. We need to be able to communicate with our partner in a way that they will hear us. A lot of people just get frustrated when their partners don’t communicate well with them and jump to conclusions. We read magazines and blogs that tell us “5 ways to spot if he’s really in love with you” and we think, “oh he must not actually love me”. And this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read my blog oh lol, all I’m saying is I believe that at the end of the day, we can only share our own viewpoints and perspectives and you can obviously learn from this but the only people that know what is really going on in the relationship are you and your partner and really, no one has all the answers because every situation is unique in its own way. So you just always have to communicate with that person and tell them how you are feeling and find a way to make a compromise or sort it out between the two of you.
Break away: Sometimes when you have a feeling that the relationship is not working, you need to know when to walk away. Some differences just can’t be overlooked and sometimes it’s all about the situation. For instance, not everyone can stand long distance relationships; it’s almost like a punishment to them, even though I believe long distance can be the true test of your love for each other sometimes, but as they say, “different strokes for different folks”. Just try not to go around making investments with no return (watch out for my next post on this topic). If you’re giving away all that love and it’s not being reciprocated, he/she may just not be that into you.
Anyway I want to know, what do you think? Is there any such thing as the one? Is there anything such as a perfect or near perfect relationship? Share your thoughts and opinions with me in the comment section below or at firstname.lastname@example.org and watch out for more posts from yours truly. J